Worst Halloween Candy Ever

By Ross Jurewitz on October 20, 2014

All is not equal when it comes to the treats people hand out on Halloween night. Some are devoured greedily by happy trick-or-treaters while others remain neglected at the bottom of the bag.

Every kid knows and loves the jackpot homes – identifiable by their extravagant decorations – with gracious hosts handing out king sized Crunch bars and Reese’s cups among other favorites.

Then there are those people whose alleged treats bring not glee and satisfaction but only disappointment to the children unlucky enough to knock on their door.

Don’t be one of those people. It’s bad karma. If you want to remain in the Halloween spirit’s favor, you should avoid handing out these terrible candies listed below:

• Smarties: Why are these chalky abominations still around? There’s nothing appealing about Smarties. The mute colors of the candy discs make them look like pills, which is actually very appropriate since they taste vaguely medicinal.
• Dots: These syrupy drops appear as if they were pumped out of a manufacturing plant. It definitely explains the hard rubbery consistency and near-inedible flavor.
• Now and Later: Those who manage to chew through these fruit-flavored miniature bricks are left with hard sugary gunk stuck to their teeth. Eat them now; take a visit to the dentist later.
• Bubblegum: Every Halloween bubblegum is unfailingly stale bubblegum. Don’t be a dope and please take a pass on the Bazookas, Dubble Bubbles and their ilk.
• Mary Janes: Molasses and peanut butter flavored taffy might have been the cat’s meow back in the day, but it belongs in the past just like the phrase, “the cat’s meow.” Get with the times, ol’ man, and stick with the good stuff.

Needless to say, don’t hand out apples, loose change or religious pamphlets to trick-or-treaters unless you want your home to be cursed for 50 years.

The Jurewitz Law Group approves of this important Halloween public service announcement.

Ross Jurewitz

Ross Jurewitz is the founder and managing lawyer of the Jurewitz Law Group, a San Diego personal injury attorney law firm. These San Diego injury accident lawyers specialize in helping people seriously injured in a variety of accidents throughout San Diego County and California.

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